And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
