and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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