hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
