im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
