if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
