wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I will be naked everywhere
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
