The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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