you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
