Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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