and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
