sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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