You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
