why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
