You really coming over, don't trick.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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