Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He shit in the fireplace
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