my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
