you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
