walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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