I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
