Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
