do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
