just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
