Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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