yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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