If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
