I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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