just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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