So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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