Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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