im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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