he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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