I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
