Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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