Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
