if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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