Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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