White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
