I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
