weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
