this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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