sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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