her vagine was all disorganized.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
