It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
