I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
