Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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