I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
