Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
