First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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