She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
