How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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