The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
from now on my penis is your penis
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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