Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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