What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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