Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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