Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
