Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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