after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
