I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
