How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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