I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
