well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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