be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
