Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
