i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
