I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
