And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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