Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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