if you like me you must not know who I am
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
