omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
