Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
