I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
