Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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