I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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