is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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