I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My hand turned me down
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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