roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
