Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
