i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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