There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
