If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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