before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
